Adventures in Grocery Shopping

carts released for a quarter.  When you reattach your cart your quarter is returned

I have a long history here of running into craziness at the HUMGO-SUPER-DUPER market out by the interstate. I’ve had an old lady tell me what fruits were evil and what ones weren’t. She looked like Bette Davis in Baby Jane.

Another time I saw a manager hit in the face with a clipboard by the woman in front of me who was trying to use a stolen debt card and fake ID. I had to make a police statement in that as I witnessed the whole transaction.

Another time in the parking lot I had to help a grandma with an infant. She was hysterical since her husband collapsed and couldn’t breathe. As I got there the ambulance from her 911 call was roaring into the scene. She was having trouble with the baby seat. I took that over got the baby in the seat in her car. Sat there with the baby amusing it until grandpa was loaded into the ambulance and grandma came back to herself enough to drive the quarter mile to the ER.

I witnessed a car hit a pedestrian there and again another police statement. Another statement to the insurance companies of both parties in that case.

Also I caught a run away dog there. He jumped out of the SUV as the owner opened the door and I caught him by the collar as he came up to check me out. I had fresh meat in the cart.

Needless to say that grocery store can be an adventure for me. Then again I turn grocery shopping into an adventure. In TN I freed a kitten stuck in a Pepsi machine. Today was not so adventurous but did witness stupidity.

Picture an old beat up compact car whose driver front fender is held on by a bungee cord and his headlight affixed on that side with duct tape. Got the image? Good!

Now he’s backing out of a parking spot. He turns to block the whole intersection of two lanes in the large lot. One being the double lane in front of the store that has a stop for pedestrian sign mounted in a concrete buoy looking thing in the middle. This tiny car held together by bungee cords, tape and a prayer almost hits it.

I’m thinking “So that’s how he came to need those super-duper repairs.”

The dude driving looks like the inspiration for the character Joe Dirt. HONESTLY! He starts back up again and almost hits the car that had the right of way but stopped because some lunatic backed out into the lane. The bungee car hops as the breaks are slammed. Then it goes forward until the car in front of me honks at Joe who is still looking back at the last car he almost hit. Joe hops the car again.

Poor Mr. Dirt is distressed. He’s flipping his head as if he’s watching a grand championship match at Wimbledon. He turns the wheel to get into his lane, gives it gas and BAM! right into the pedestrian sign. The front bumper falls off and the driver quarter panel drops down to the ground.

Well no worries there, out hops Joe with his trusty duct tape. Yes, right there in front us all he starts duct taping the bumper back. There were now seven cars and four pedestrians watching this show. Once that was done he taped up the back of the askew quarter panel, straighten the wonky taped on headlight then jumped back into his car. He’s now in the lane so he heads off leaving the rest of us laughing, shaking our heads in wonder, and thankful we weren’t hit by him.

4 thoughts on “Adventures in Grocery Shopping

  1. Am dying here. Only thing that could have made this better would have been photo or video support lmdao thank you for the laughs

    • Unfortunately my camera/phone was in my purse tossed in the backseat. I thought it about it late and it was out of reach. I’m old school and don’t think of things like that until it’s too late.

  2. Tallk about being in the right place at the wrong time, or is it the wrong place at the right time…scratching my head: No, isn’t it: at the wrong place at the wrong time…W-h-a-t-e-v-e-r. You’re the lucky one alright.

    Nice post. Funny people but dumb too. You’re right.

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